“Everything you need to succeed is inside.”  Cliché?  Perhaps, but these are words I needed to be reminded of today, and they showed up right on time.

I have long claimed to subscribe to the old saw, “Do what you love and the money will follow.”  I’ve preached it to friends and clients for years (I’m a life coach — or I prefer the term “Wayfinder.”)  But I have a dirty little secret — I’ve never actually done it.

Last year, when my marriage ended, I let yet another chance to do so go by.  I needed immediate income I thought.  I panicked.  I detoured.  I did what most would say was a very reasonable thing.  I looked for and took the first job I could easily get.  I hated it.  I hated the schedule,  and the time and energy away from my daughter and my dreams.  I hated that I felt like a sell-out; that I was trying to appease the lack and attack messages being broadcast by my reptilian brain; and that I hadn’t the courage to trust what I know is the truth.

I had done the reasonable, common-sensical thing. Yet more than six months later I still wasn’t earning enough money to support my daughter and myself.  At 49 years old, I live with my mother, and share a bedroom with my daughter — certainly not how I envisioned I’d be living at this stage of my life.  For some time now, it has appeared that I am moving ever farther away from every important goal I’ve set for myself.  The sign-post of my 50th birthday, a few months out, looms large on the horizon.

So, a few weeks ago, I did what most would call a crazy thing.  I had been pacing the edge of a cliff like a nervous cat for weeks.  And on a random Tuesday, I jumped.  I gave notice at my job, and a month later, I was “free” of it. I had grown increasingly miserable with my circumstances, but I kept trying to come up with another alternative, one that was gradual, certain . . .  reasonable.  None came.

I routinely recommend turtle steps . . . baby steps . . . even baby . . .  turtle  . . .  steps . . . to my coaching clients.  I did my darnedest to approach my own situation from that perspective.  But, “Just jump.  You’ll be okay,” was the only persistent, (and notably quiet) thought that kept repeating like a peaceful mantra whispering in my ear.  No safety net beyond the roof that my mother so generously provides us.  No Plan B.

My Plan A?  1) Write (blogging, freelance copywriting, and, in my “spare” time, a book); 2) Develop and deliver personal development programs, and coach;  and 3) Subsidize No. 1 and 2, my true passions, with small business consulting.

I had all but nailed down my first consulting contract, which promised income sufficient to replace the earnings from my 40+ hour per week job in less than half the time each week.  They were anxious for me to get started, and the extra time each week would leave me plenty of time to devote to items 1 and 2 in the plan.

I spent my first full week of self-employment writing the formal consulting proposal.  I summarized all we’d tentatively agreed to plus added several additional recommendations, which had become clear to me during meetings with the client.  It was good; better than I thought I was capable of.  I submitted it, assuming I’d be getting to work on executing it by mid-week this week.

A couple of days ago I heard from the would-be client’s director of operations.  They loved the proposal.  Yes, it is exactly what they need to do to go forward and grow their business! . . . But  . . . something has come up, something that must be dealt with immediately, something that takes immediate priority of funds, funds that had been earmarked for my contract.  They definitely want me . . . just not quite yet. Holy Shizzle.  Oops.  Big. Freakin’. Oops.

Apparently I’ve got some extra time to commit to developing the writing and coaching aspects of my plan, the work I love.  Terrifying.  And providential. That’s what I keep telling myself, even as the panic begins to set in for real.  So this week, I spent some of that extra time working my way through an online copywriting course.  Today’s assignment?  Read a piece of advertising.  Look at and evaluate the headline and the copy.

I grabbed a glossy full-color envelope from the mail pile, a promotion for a national gym chain with pictures of fit, smiling, beautiful people riding stationary bikes and lifting weights.  There in bold red italics, just above my name in the mailing address, was the phrase whose intended purpose, from a copywriting perspective, was to get me to open the envelope, “Everything you need to succeed is inside.”

Right this minute, everything looks pretty bleak and, did I mention? terrifying. Everything you need to succeed is inside. I’m having a little trouble staying focused on the tasks at hand.  Everything you need to succeed is inside. I am not sure how I’m going to make my bills in the coming weeks.  Everything you need to succeed is inside.  My chest is tight and my breathing is shallow. Everything you need to succeed is inside.  I take frequent breaks in my day to stop, get still, breathe, and remind myself, Everything you need to succeed is inside.

I’ve long claimed to be one of those people who believes this — that Everything you need to succeed is inside.  (In coming posts, I will reveal just how far down the rabbit hole I reside in that regard.)  But the proof of that hasn’t showed up on the outside surface of my life.  It hasn’t because I haven’t walked my talk.  Most would work toward this kind of so-called liberation gradually.  If you were my client, I would never recommend the kind of drastic action I just took.  It’s crazy! Everything you need to succeed is inside. But I would also never discourage you from it if you felt a clear call to it.  Everything you need to succeed is inside.

I have a small amount of money yet to come from my job.  My mother  is understandably freaked out by what I have done, and also quite ready to have her home back to herself.  Earlier today she asked me point blank what I will do after that last money has come and gone.  My response, “I have no earthly idea.”  Everything you need to succeed is inside. I will cross each bridge and make each decision as it presents itself, as I need to.  Everything you need to succeed is inside. I will stay in this present moment as much as possible and resist the increasing urge to freak the f*#! out. Everything you need to succeed is inside. 

Did I make the right decision?  The answer is an unequivocal “Yes.”  Yesterday I worked on the launch of a 6-week teleclass.  (Stay tuned for more information.) I sit here today writing and about to publish this, my first blog post.  In fifteen minutes, my daughter will get home from school and I will actually be at home to greet her.  Yesterday afternoon we rode our bikes in the glorious sunshine during the time I would previously have been at work at my old job.

We get limitless opportunities to know and walk in truth.  I have been given another opportunity to walk my talk; another opportunity to trust the guidance I have received.  This time I am trusting.  Today’s message reinforces that I have not erred.  Everything I need to succeed is inside.